I’ve never participated in Lent before.

Not because I disagree with the practice or do not appreciate the purpose behind the forty day period of pentinence meant to prepare the heart for the celebration of Easter.

I just simply did not grow up observing the practice.

To somewhat shamefully reveal the extent of my ignorance where this observance is concerned, I actually grew up thinking that it was primarily a Roman Catholic thing which, as a kid growing up in the Bible Belt, wasn’t a faith I had intimate knowledge of though I had several Catholic friends who probably would have been more than happy to educated me on some of the particulars of their faith.

Flash forward to a flash back for me to this day last year, where after probably about a half an hour of “Should I,” or “Should I not say something,” consternation I finally mustered up the courage to politely inform the gentleman sitting across from me that he’d “accidentally smudged something on his forehead,” to which he replied flatly, “It’s Ash Wednesday.”

Aaaaaaaannnnnddddd… I’m an idiot.  Bright red and sick to my stomach I replied rapidly, “Oh!  Right!  So sorry.”

Head down.  Eyes averted.  Note to self:  Opening mouth in public is a privileged.  Yours was officially just revoked.

How did I miss the fact that yesterday was Mardi Gras and how did I get to be 25 without knowing that they actually use ash as a part of Ash Wednesday?

My embarrassment was proportional to the “[removing] of all doubt” that I was in fact a fool I had just proven by opening my mouth to reveal the depths of my ignoramus-ness.  The gentleman moved away from me quite shortly there after.

It got me thinking though — What exactly were Ash Wednesday and Lent about?

I grew up celebrating the significance of Easter beyond just the frenzied search for pastel colored eggs containing candy and/or money inside the glistening, plastic shells.  But I was not exposed at all (or maybe I was just too young to appreciate or pick up on) the deep meaning of Lent and Ash Wednesday.

After my interaction last year, I was acutely aware of Lent’s eminent approach this year and decided to learn what all exactly it was about.

In years past, I’ve heard my friends talk about how they were going to give up chocolate or diet sodas, saying curse words or eating cakes and cookies.  I definitely don’t want to come across as if I’m knocking these decisions but, from the outside looking in, these just sounded like a reiteration of New Year’s resolutions to me; like Lent was just a good excuse to “give up” something that you already wanted to but that, one day prior, you lacked the internal motivation and conviction to do.

After further exploring the significance of Ash Wednesday and Lent, it seemed to me that the purpose of observance was meant to tap into something deeper; something you wouldn’t give up because you already wanted to but a self-deniel that reached a “sacrificial” level.

This presented a challenge to me, a challenge I somewhat gingerly but willingly waded into not knowing how “deep” exactly I might potentially be prepared to go.

Considerable deliberation lead me to the decision to participate in the forty day period of Lent and to give up something I am quite given to do — give up.

It has recently become painfully apparent to me that I am quite the quitter.  The best way I can explain my track record is to say that I don’t have a history of following through; whether that be with a painting or a project I’ve started, an endeavor I started out stoked to take on that quickly fizzled out when it came time to finalize or something even as simple as just completely completing a task I started without getting totally side tracked and distracted ultimately resulting in another unfinished something or other.

I’ll give you a couple of practical examples.

- The laundry is clean.  It’s even folded in the hamper ready to be taken up stairs and put away.  But it sits for a week in exactly the same place until the clothing items get used or the day before laundry day I have to empty the basket to refill it with this week’s pile of soiled clothes.

- I buy groceries with the intention of making meals X,Y, and Z but, low and behold, the end of the week comes and I’m sniffing and poking stuff to see if it’s still safe for human consumption.

- I make a list of the things I’m going to get accomplished this morning but find myself looking at a clock that reads “11:59″ wondering how I got lost for so long in the black-whole-like vortex of social media’s pull.

These are just a few examples.  There are bigger, more meaningful things in my life that are prompting me to make a concerted, conscious effort to complete the things I set out to do.  I know this will not be easy and I know, truthfully, this is exactly the kind of commitment that I would make and eventually end up not following through on.  All the more reason, I know this is the right thing to do.

In all honesty, because of the content of this post, part of me doesn’t even want to publish it for fear that some people will be offended or find it in appropriate for this forum, etcetera, etcetera.  But, then I would have started this post, taken the time to write it out and not pushed the button that essentially means I’m through.  So, if this post doesn’t apply to you, please take it with a grain of salt.

In my mind, even if this observance holds zero significance for you, it is an excellent exercise in developing discipline and self-control.  And, I don’t know about you but, I could always do with a little more training in that.

Affectionately,

Rachel