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Delta Love,

Rachel

“Good judgement comes from experience;

                       unfortunately, experience comes from bad judgment.”  - Barry LePatner

This quote reminds me of my mom encouraging me to learn from my mistakes.

The thing about mistakes is, they’re not fun to make!  Nobody wants to make mistakes and have to deal with the unpleasant aftermath even though we’re told and reminded (and retold again and again) that the mistakes we make often produce the greatest growth in our lives.

We know we’re going to make them though so, we might as well get the most out of the mistakes we make.

There are a few steps in between making a mistake and learning from it that can help ensure we don’t end up making the same mistakes again.

1. Admit your mistake - to yourself and anyone else who might have suffered as a result of the consequences of your mistake.

2. Make restitutions - apologize to anyone negatively effected and ask for forgiveness when possible, where applicable.

3. Forgive yourself  - sometimes the hardest thing to do is to not get stuck slamming and shaming yourself.  You’re the person you gotta spend the most time with in this life so, do the hard work of making things right with yourself.*

4. Ask the question, “What can I learn from this?” - Compassionately examine the mistake to figure out the lessons you learned and incorporate the take-aways into your life.  Otherwise, life has a way of coming back around and testing you again until it’s made an impression that will last.

5.  Move on - As one of my dear friends and mentors always says, “Sometimes you just gotta put on your big girl panties and move on.”

Learning to learn from them,

Rachel

*  It’s one thing to say, “Forgive yourself,” but, realistically speaking, if this were an easy, straightforward thing to do, you probably would have already done it.  Short of having a lobotomy, forgiving ourselves can seem down right impossible.  You’re stuck with your memories so you’ll never forget, therefore, it can be extremely challenging to feel like it’s possible to forgive.  However, recently I heard of an exercise that may be helpful to some in doing this.

Write a story about your greatest mistakes or the biggest thing(s) you’re ashamed of or embarrassed about.  Write it as a story with yourself as the main character.  Write it out in as much detail as you like.  Now, read it back.  Now, change the name and even the gender if you like of your character.  Now, read the story again.  See if you don’t feel a strong since of compassion and understanding.  See if you don’t feel a certain level of insight and acceptance for the person making the mistake in your story.  Would you judge someone else as harshly as you judge yourself if they were telling you this story?  Would you show compassion and express understanding and urge them to forgive themselves?  Wouldn’t you want them to forgive themselves and move on?  Wouldn’t you want them to believe the best about themselves and not think that they were just a terrible, awful, rotten, good for nothing person who’d ruined their lives because of this one mistake?

Give it a try and see what you think.  It’s worth a try if it works right?  If nothing else, it might be cathartic to burn the thing once you’ve finished the exercise.

Previously, we’ve looked at procrastination as a way that we delay doing something out of fear of the potential future failure, or, in some cases, even the fear of potential future success that, right now, we can’t possibly imagine ourselves being able to handle (regardless of how much we do truly desire to achieve said success).

This paints a pretty accurate picture of exactly where I’ve been in not-so-long-ago seasons of my life — feeling utterly and hopelessly stuck.

Maybe you can relate.

My stuckness stems from the searing memory of past failures that, any time I take a step seem to scream, “Hey!  Be careful!  You don’t want to make a wrong move because you remember what FAILURE FEELS LIKE and you certainly don’t want a repeat of that again!”

I get stuck out of fear; fear I feel guilty for giving into.  Fear I feel loathsome for being susceptible to (as opposed to all those fearless “go-getters” I perceive to be “taking Life by the horns” out there).  Fear that causes anxiety as the days pass by adding to my growing sense of dread and hopelessness that my ineffectual life is slipping between my fingers like speeding grains of scaredy-cat sand.  And, fear that the time I’ve thus far wasted in Stucksville (which seems like too much time to ever make up for or get back out in front of) will forever resign me to a life lived playing catch up in the back of the pack.

The good news is, being stuck and wasting/losing time, are not necessarily the same thing.

Sometimes being stuck serves a purpose, forcing you to slow down, sit still, and be quiet long enough to tune into things that, otherwise, Life has a way of drowning out.

In seasons where I’ve felt particularly self-loathsome upon surveying the severity of my stuckness, I was encouraged by looking at examples of success stories around me in order to incorporate and adopt their outlooks and behaviors.

Take Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook for example.  It seems like every day there is some new thing, some “improvement” being made that’s changing the social media site’s interaction experience. But I doubt Mark Zuckerberg sits in his office and beats himself up every time he discovers an area where there’s room for improvement.  On the contrary, I imagine these areas with room for improvement are viewed as offering the greatest opportunities for growth and sustainable success.

Beating myself up for where I was never did a lick of good in getting me going where I wanted to be.

Before the Model T there was the horse drawn buggy and before that there was… well, I don’t know exactly.  Though the modes of transportation varied drastically, they still provided a solution and got people that much closer to wherever it is they were trying to go.

Maybe you’re a Model T or maybe you just know you have the parts to become one but you’re still in the assembly process of becoming whatever it is that’s ultimately going to move you forward.

A Bob Goff quote I heard recently puts it nice and succinctly — “I never know what all the steps are going to be but I always know what the next step is.”

Maybe that’s where you find yourself today, feeling stuck but stuck with some idea of what the next step in your life could be.

Today is the day to take it courageously and wait expectantly for the next step to present itself as a possibility.

XOXO,

Rachel

Not long ago, I was working on a project putting adjustable “feet” on a pub table that sits atop a seriously unlevel floor.  As I worked on the table, I started thinking about how life can be so completely unstable too.  Between work, love, charity, friends, chores, have-tos, want-tos, to dos, unexpected mishaps and the mundane, life can be a rocky, crazy, unstable mess that leaves us feeling completely unbalanced, “off” and out-of-whack.

But there I was with my drill, the right hardware, and some know-how, correcting the problem with a few adjustments.  Granted, the solutions for unlevel furniture vary drastically from those to help with an unbalanced life.  Nonetheless, solutions do exist.

Before I could make any adjustments, I had to first recognize that something was off.  (Ehem… If you’re depressed, can’t sleep, can’t eat, over eat, feel listless, cry for seemingly no reason, haven’t spoken to anyone besides “Fishy” for a week or touched anything besides the sterile surface of your plastic remote control, something might be amiss in your life… just sayin.’)

Second, I had to figure out a way to fix the problem.  In the case of my pub table, that meant a trip to the local home improvement store, which I frequent.

 Though I’m a regular, I often still receive the same skeptical expressions from the employees when they see me boppin’ around, searching the hardware section.  Their faces reflect a mixture of like, bewilderment and annoyance.  Their voices are often laced with sarcasm and a hint of incredulity when they say, “Can I help… you?”  I imagine they’re thinking, “What the heck are you doing here Sweetheart?  Did you get lost on your way to the mall?”

But, I know how big my toolbox is, both literally and figuratively.  I may not know all the answers to the questions or have all the right tools to solve the problem but I can darn well figure out the right questions to ask to get the answers I need.

And in life, often times, that’s half the battle.

I also know they’re the people who can help me.  So, no matter how awkward the interaction (and believe me, at times, it’s gotten pretty darn awkward) sometimes you just have to downright demand that somebody help you.  I’ve started telling someone what I’m looking for and they just automatically assume I’m in over my head.  They assume I don’t know what I’m talking about or what I’m really looking for.  However, I’m no fool.  I know I’m in over my head, thank you very much. That’s why I’m here, talking to you — the EXPERT!

The point I’m trying to get at is this:

- To regain (or retain) balance in life requires recognizing where there’s a problem and realizing that we need help to fix it.

- Though there may be challenges, don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of you getting the help/ information/ resources you need to fix a problem.

- When something in your life is askew, and you know you’re “in over your head,” seek out expert council to help you determine the best plan of action to bring about a solution for your problem.

So, once I got what I needed from the hardware section (these nifty little, adjustable feet), I purchased my wares and got back to my project.

I had to read the instructions, gather the necessary tools, and apply a little elbow grease to complete the project.

The result – now the workspace has a leveled table that can be moved anywhere and adjusted as needed according to whatever new conditions require.

The efficient use of the table really and truly is not that big of a deal to me.

Those little adjustable feet more just served as a reminder of all the people and things I am grateful for that help keep my life balanced; people like my loving husband and understanding friends; things like laughter and sleep and sunshine.

Who or what do you have in your life that helps you keep a solid footing?  I don’t think it gets any easier as we grow older.  I just know it takes work, like, lifelong work to try to maintain some kind of “normal” amongst the crazy; some sort of balance amidst the chaos.

So, what are some of your levelers?  What helps to keep you grounded?

Affectionately,

Rachel

Sometimes when we’re in the midst of a problem or challenging circumstance the thing we want most is for it to just be over.  But, sometimes, the thing we need most is to just go through it.

Consider the conditions of a seedling.

A seed has to get dirty, weather it’s fair share of storms and push through a good amount of fertilizer (are you gettin’ what I’m sayin’ with that one?) in order to grow.

Whether you’re making your way through one, or find yourself being challenged by a combination of all of these, take consolation in knowing that you are growing.

If you’re going through a particularly challenging season in life, know that it’s what you’re going through right now that’s preparing you for who you’ll need to be in order to handle the next one.

 Stay Open – Keep your eyes, ears and heart open to what you’re supposed to be learning in this season.

Take Action – Be quick to implement and integrate any new thought patterns or behaviors you now know you need to operate under.

Be Present – enjoy life now instead of hoping for the future or wishing away the present in the interim.

Be Grateful –  Be glad for the growth you’re experiencing and generous in sharing what you’ve learned with other “buds” so they can benefit from the knowledge you’re gaining.

Don’t go it alone – flowers are grown in nurseries; they’re never grown alone.  Don’t reject care and nurturing from those eager to help you come along and don’t forget that you’re not the only one getting poked, pruned and trained to grow into what and where you need to be.

Feeling Horticultural,

Rachel

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