We know that being a leader in Tri Delta can mean many different things. It may mean holding an officer position, or it may mean participating in chapter events, or it can even simply mean keeping a positive attitude. For example, a leader may be someone who chooses to arrive to a philanthropy event early to set up, or staying late after Initiation to put away the equipment thus setting an example for others. Whatever type of leadership you personally bring to you chapter, it is important to know that neither you, nor any one person, can do it all.

This can even mean being a little selfish sometimes… I know in Tri Delta we certainly cringe at the idea… but bare with us…

In Tri Delta we associate leadership with selflessness and doing what is best for the whole. For some members this means always putting in extra work and dedication. But you also need to be cautious not to allow this to make you feel like you are giving too much of yourself to the chapter.  While the message of unselfish leadership is a powerful one, membership must also include some give and take in order to accommodate all of the individuals who contribute to the success of the chapter. If as a leader or a member in the chapter you are never setting aside time for you or if you’re always giving of yourself to over compensate for those members who don’t, then eventually you will burn out. You can’t be 100% invested in your membership without giving 100% of yourself. But eventually you will not be able to give 100% in the moment if you have not taken any “you time” in the process.

Balancing this is a talent and takes practice, but as soon as you can let go of one or two things as a means to recharge your batteries, your productivity, dedication and attitude towards your experience will all be enhanced.

We asked a few collegiate officers how they recharge their batteries. It can be as simple as this:

”90 minute hot yoga sessions ”

-Noel, Collegiate Chapter President, Virginia Tech

“I will sit in our chapter room and read minutes from the 1920′s and so on. It’s really cool to see what our chapter was going through back then and see how its relative to now!”

-Jacqueline, Collegiate Chapter President, Brenau

“I go to Starbucks every Saturday and Sunday morning… Just the drive to Starbucks is relaxing.”

-Sara, Collegiate Chapter President, Oklahoma State

“I find dancing around to “oldies” music and singing at the top of my lungs with my sisters helps A LOT! Breaking out of the seriousness of being President helps me to relax and even dance out any stress I am having!”

-Kendall, Collegiate Chapter President, Millikin

“I like to read something out of the ritual book. I really enjoy reading the legends and seeing how that relates to what I am going through. It always helps me realize that being the CCP is not about our everyday struggles, it is about maintaining an organization that will be here for women for years to come.”

-Mackenzie Braatz, Collegiate Chapter President, Kansas 

 “I have a mini-foot bath that I’m in love with, add some trashy TV and a sister and its heaven!”

- Brianna, VP Administration, Lake Forest

“I go running every day. I try to take an hour out of my day and just go for a run. It really helps me clear my head and be alone!”

-Pallavi, Collegiate Chapter President, UC San Diego

“I normally take time out and hang out with my best friend on campus that isn’t Greek.”

-Lauren, Collegiate Chapter President, Eastern Illinois

“I’m a twin and we are in different sororities (she’s an Alpha Gamma Delta) and we have sleepovers once a week. I go over to her house and the next week she comes to mine. It’s time for us to catch up on everything and vent about the things we’re going through.”

-Elsa, Collegiate Chapter President, Illinois State

 “I play Intramural soccer and flag football to get some exercise in!”

-Elizabeth, VP Administration, Butler

“I read a book, or catch up on the latest TV shows. I lock my door, turn off my phone, and have some “me” time!”

-Amanda, VP Administration, Valparaiso

‎”45 min spin classes and my boyfriend and I always get dinner Sunday night (any night works) but it’s our time that we try to be really consistent about when things get hectic so we always make time for each other.”

-Lexi, Collegiate Chapter President, Loyola Marymount University

“Call me cliché, but I like to walk and sit out by the lake at least once a week (it’s a little more difficult in the winter time…). There’s something about it that is so calming and reminds me to take this time to relax for a little while. We’re constantly surrounded by others and working endlessly to make our chapters the best they can be, while also focusing on our school work and other commitments, and so it’s nice to get away from it all for a bit. The lake is a place where I can finally hear myself think, and regain perspective on why we’re here and what’s most important ”

-Amy, Collegiate Chapter President, Wisconsin

Perception is a powerful thing when it comes to the work we do for our chapters. It is usually easy for to see one side of things, but can be a challenge to see other perspectives.

Consider this…

Isn’t it funny when the other person takes a long time to do something, she’s slow.

                But when I take a long time to do something, I’m thorough.

Isn’t it funny when the other person doesn’t do it, she’s lazy.

                But when I don’t do it, I’m busy.

Isn’t it funny when the other person does something without being told, she’s overstepping her bounds.

                But when I do something without being told, that’s initiative.

Isn’t it funny when the other person states her side of a question strongly, she’s bullheaded.

                But when I state my side of a question strongly, I’m being firm.

Isn’t it funny when the other person overlooks a few of the rules of etiquette, she’s rude.

                But when I skip a few rules, I’m original.

Isn’t it funny when the other person does something that pleases the boss, she is a brownnoser.

                But when I do something that pleases the boss, that’s cooperation.

Isn’t it funny when the other person gets ahead, she got lucky.

                But when I manage to get ahead, man, that was hard work!

Isn’t it funny…or is it?

As a member in an organization or even as a leader, we made a commitment and should do our best to live up to it. In any situation, we can be part of the problem, or part of the solution. Which one would you be prouder to contribute to?We encourage you to challenge yourself to be a contributer, to help others succeed and to be in touch with more than one perspective.

Life is about relationships…the ones we have, the one’s we don’t, the one’s we wish for, the one’s that need work. It is human nature to form relationships with other people. Think about the word “relationship” for a moment… relationships are about connecting to others and we do this in many different ways.

Being a sorority woman is the same thing. It’s all about relationships…some with sisters…some with roommates…some with friends.  The sisterhood is bound together by our letters, by the Ritual, by our Purpose. But it doesn’t mean you will be best friends with everyone. It doesn’t mean you’ll be able to work with everyone. It doesn’t mean you’ll love everyone. And that’s okay. But as a sister, this is part of your growth and your development. Situations like these teach us how to stretch outside of our comfort zones, how to work and live and converse with people who are just like us and those who are not like us at all, what our own limitations look like. This is preparation for life.

Relationships with others is part of life and it’s part of our need as human beings. But relationships aren’t always easy and they aren’t always healthy. Relationships can be positive or negative, good or bad, healthy or toxic and knowing the difference is important.

During good times and bad, we count on our friends for support and comfort. However, occasionally we can find ourselves in what has become a toxic relationship…one causing us more pain than happiness, more resentment than pride, more anxiety than worth and more drama than fun. This should never be what sisterhood is about, but we know that sometimes the relationships that you have with a sister can sometimes be like this. And because we know that such relationships have the potential to affect other sisters and even the chapter as a whole, it is important to identify them and deal with them.

Identifying a toxic relationship is actually pretty simple. The realization that you’re a part of one is the hard part. A toxic friend might…

• Make negative comments towards you about how you look, trivial things, the other friends you have or just anything that feels like a “dig” about you specifically.
• Make you feel as if she gets upset when you don’t make time for her, but expects you to put in all the effort by initiating contact or making plans.
• Bring your energy level down or make you feel worn out whenever you spend time with them.
• Might feel more like an obligation and less like a privilege to be around them.
• Alter your mood or make you feel anxious about spending time with them.
• Might have an effect on your overall behavior. Maybe you or your other friends notice that you act differently when you are around this person.
• Be a negative influence, involving you in situations or activities that you might not find yourself in otherwise.
• Always be in crisis, needing you to talk to them, help them or be overly involved in their problems.
• Make you wary of their intentions and motivations or make you question certain elements of your friendship.  
• Be dramatic, pick fights or constantly need attention or vindication from you at their convenience.

Dealing with a toxic friend, confronting an unhealthy relationship or even trying to “break up” with a friend that you no longer feel is good to have in your life is very difficult. The best way to deal with them is to talk with them directly about it. However, this is also difficult, especially when the person is already causing you so much stress and anxiety to begin with. When you are determining how to end a friendship with someone else, take into consideration some of our recommended “dos” and “don’ts”

At the end of the day, realize that friendships are constantly evolving and that you don’t have to be best friends with everyone. Friends change, but so do you. Relationships are about give and take and have to be mutual. You can’t force a friendship.  Keep friends in your life that contribute to you somehow and compliment your personality and character.

Membership in Tri Delta offers its members a chance to gain so many valuable learning moments. Being a member of a sorority provides an opportunity to work with others, develop lasting friendships and learn a lot about ourselves in the process. In a previous blog we talk about many of the reasons to Fall in Love with Your Membership and to stay invested as members.

Tri Delta was founded upon the concept of growth and development. It’s a reminder that everything and everyone has to start somewhere. Just as our organization grows, so do its members. We hear about this when two members boast of their close friendship and recognize that their paths may never have crossed without Tri Delta.  We’ve seen this when we meet a chapter officer who never imagined herself joining a sorority, much less being slated into a position. Or we might meet an officer who had her heart set on a specific position, only to find herself in one that is the complete opposite.

Membership is all about growing moments and developmental situations. Sometimes these moments come without ever realizing and sometimes they come because you’ve had to push yourself to make it happen. These are the moments where you force yourself out of your comfort zone…as a leader and as a member.

Stepping out of or even leaping from your Tri Delta comfort zone is a good thing! Sure it’s scary and maybe not always comfortable, but this is where we learn. This is where we push our own limits and the limits of our chapters. This is where we make things happen. This is how we accomplish our goals. And only here, outside of your comfort zone is when Tri Delta encourages you to leap and to be okay if you fall because there’s a safety net.

 But there is a catch (no pun intended)…

 The safety net is only so big and with your membership and even chapter leadership, there comes responsibility- a commitment to yourself and your sisters. This responsibility means learning the difference between stepping out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in unsafe, unethical or even unlawful situations. It means being okay to take a risk if it’s for the good of the growth and development and ultimately the future success of the chapter, knowing that Tri Delta supports proactive and positive choices and will be here to help pick you back up.  

COMFORT ZONE

This is where we are at ease, most comfortable and most confident in who we are and our abilities as a person and as a leader. Staying here is fine, if that’s where you want to be, but it doesn’t allow for much opportunity, or a chance to identify new opportunities.

LEARNING ZONE

This is where we push ourselves to deal with situations that maybe we didn’t expect or plan for but that teach us more about ourselves, our personal boundaries, and broaden the scope of what we think we’re capable of. This is where we discover what we didn’t know we didn’t know.

ANXIETY ZONE

This is where we are the least comfortable. These are situations that maybe others have convinced us to be in or that we have pushed ourselves into for a specific outcome of overcoming, challenging or proving something to ourselves. This is where we can experience fear, anxiety and high risk. However, this high risk often presents high reward.

Written by The Center staff

Email has quickly become one of the primary tools of how we communicate. Any chapter member or chapter officer can probably also attest to the overall quantity of emails that they receive, some important, some not, all sitting in their inbox reminding you of your obligation to read and respond in a timely fashion! But who really has time to check email all day?

There are many opportunities to use email to get a message across or to present an idea. It is so important to be cautious of how we are presenting ourselves through our email messages because it can be so difficult for the recipient to understand things like tone, expression, sarcasm or flattery.

When planning your thoughts…

• Complete your thoughts-It is easy to write your email more quickly than you are thinking out your message and therefore may seem scattered. Don’t start a new thought before you have completed the previous one.
• Stay focused-Always stay focused on your point. You should be able to get to your point within the first few sentences of the email. Reading emails is harder than reading a printed letter so keep that in mind when compiling your thoughts.
• Don’t cry wolf-Be very cautious when flagging an email to someone as important or high priority. Make sure that this is in fact the case.
• Write in active voice-Using active voice is better than the passive voice. For example, instead of saying “Contracts will be signed by the Chapter President” you can say “Our Chapter President will be the one to sign the contract”. It sounds more personal.
• Be aware of tone-Be aware of your personal mood and recognize that jokes or sarcasm may not be interpreted exactly as you intended.
• Confidentiality-Email is not the appropriate way to discuss confidential matters. It’s not safe and you have no control over the environment in which your recipient will receive or read your message. Save conversations like this for the phone or in person.
• Consider it formal-Unless you are emailing back and forth with friends, leave abbreviations and/or emoticons out of the message. Examples include things like “BTW” or “LOL” or inserting smiling faces at the end of a sentence.

When preparing to send…

•  Structure your message-The structure and layout of your email is very important. Reading electronically is harder, so a well-structured email will help your recipient to read your message easier. Keep the paragraphs short and insert an empty line in between paragraphs.
• Watch out for all caps-Do not write whole words in capital letters. It can seem as if you are shouting and can make reading or interpreting the mood of your message even harder.
• Use a subject message-Writing an efficient subject line is important because of two reasons-1) Sometimes messages without a subject line can be interpreted as spam mail and may only go straight to someone’s junk mail folder 2) the recipient may interpret your message as less important, leaving it to be read later, without a subject telling them why they need to pay attention to it.
• Watch your formatting-Consider the fact that not everyone has the same computer that you have. Don’t overuse formatting, it is possible that the recipient cannot view HTML (and rich text) emails. Most of the mail clients (including Gmail and Microsoft Outlook™) support HTML emails.
• Fonts-Type your emails in black or blue and in a font that is at least a size 12. You never know what device someone else will be reading your emails on and how their computer/device will interpret your email. Make it easier on the recipient.
• Reread before sending-Before sending the mail, take a few minutes to read back through it. Correct spelling mistakes, typing mistakes and make sure that the message is very clear and covers all of the topics that you wanted to cover.
• Attach necessary files-Attach any files that the recipient needs but only the ones that are necessary. Chances are the recipient will actually open each one of the files. Make sure that they need each of them so as not to waste their time. Additionally, think about attaching the intended files prior to writing text in the body of the email. This ensures you won’t forget before pressing “send”.

When keeping in touch…

• Answer everything-If you are replying to questions from a previous email make sure to address all points initially introduced. Additionally, when answering questions, make sure that your text is clear, covering all of the questions and can’t lead to misunderstanding.
• Reply to the thread-Keep the message’s thread in your correspondence just in case either recipient doesn’t remember a certain aspect of the email conversation.
• Show gratitude- Remain thankful of input from everyone copied on the email. Regardless of someone’s level of involvement in the matter, show everyone that you are grateful for their contribution.
• Be mindful of the “reply all” button- Make sure all information is relevant to everyone who receives it and avoid a large number of responses.